Session07

(TL;DR in the Bottom, Sound track for this session)

There I was, sitting on my chair, just another Wednesday night. Just me, an empty bird-seat next to me and this bottle of black. Pouring my self another one, I looked at the desolate door.

"Parrot & Monkey: PI" with the words washing away with every sip I took. Suddenly the door flung open and in walked this broad, she was tall, slender, and worried. She reminded me of that Cobra drink I had, something about her was very lizard-like.

"I have a problem, I need you to look into this man I've been seeing.... this Gellan fellow. I don't think he's been straight with me."

I told her my standard fees for a lovers spat, she didn't seem to care - they never cared until I handed them a bill.

"I need to know if you're the right man..key for the job, how do I know if you're capable?"

Gee lady, why don't I wrestle a crocodile to prove it to ya.

See if you don't like it why don't you just-

"That sounds like an excellent idea, bring me it's head, and then we can discuss Gellan."

Now listen here, I wasn't finished.

The rest of my sentence was heard only by the flinging door, just like the puff of smoke she brought in - she was gone.

She was just another broad, and I was just another monkey in this dog eat dog world.

So I did what any drunk did, I headed over to the seediest bar in town to see my prospects. Through the night I found Zed Abood, the eunuch, Simon Amey the robut, Nemo Niiveth the drunk, Jentoll Osama the glutton and Dwarven the facesitter and yours truly Oro Rohit the Monkey.

With my ragtag bunch, we set out to find this crocodile one with a thousand teeth.

We came upon a lake, I took one step towards it, and out came this mountain of mud. It was thousand tooth.

Nemo ran into the lake without a care, the drunk bastard wanted to speak with the crocodile.

"It has only 990 teeth!" He shouted from the lake.

I turn back to tell the crew to buckle up, only to see Bob sandwiched by two giant snakes, I thought to my self - well there's the rest of the teeth.

We make quick work of the animals, Bob and Nemo got scratched up pretty bad but nothing an immediate aspirin wouldn't fix.

We turned our backs on the swamp and made our way back to the city, some young thugs thought they could get the better of us, but we made light work of them.

I found the lizard broad again, threw the crocodile head at her feet. She calmly picked it up and put it up on her wall.

"Well, nothing makes a girl squeal like crocodile leather."

Enough games lady, pay me then tell me more about this Gellan fella.

I don't know why I cared so much about her story, maybe it was the fact that she had lost a partner too - or maybe just a remnant of who I used to be.

"Gellan, Primewater my ex-partner is dealing with some shady business. Playing across the board, so to speak. Find some dirt on him, and I'll make it worth your while, heck if you're there when shit goes down you might even get more than what I'm payin."

Me and the HammerHead Crew set out to find dirt on this Gellan fella, he's had a finger in every pie. Even in my own business, nothing happens in Salt Marsh City without him knowing.

Small Zed and Facesitter were gonna keep watch while the rest of us break into his mansion and see what we need. I climb down the chimney and open a window for the rest to make it through.

God must have been smiling down on us quacks that day. A million things could have gone wrong, but we got in unhindered.

There we were, in the house of Mr. BigShot himself. I had my hand in the cookie jar, and I wanted everything. The crew rummaged through the study while I was the lookout.

I heard a loud crash outside and thought to my self, God really can't control everything, huh.

Outside a heavily tea-bagged dragonborn decided he's had enough and threw Dwarven at a wall. What he was trying to do? Only he would know. Dwarven the face-sitter crashed against the wall with a loud bang.

Alarmed by the sound, the mansion turned into a frenzy. I saw two guys coming down the stairs and hoped to God the crew got what we came down to look for.

As the two fellas came closer, I jumped from the door, throwing shit around and screamed bloody murder and lead them away from the door.

When the commotion was at its peak, I snuck out.

I met up with the guys once I was out, and there they were, clutching pieces of papers. The bastard had grown old, bold and slipped up - We had him by the balls.

And the rest? Is Monkey Business.

TL;DR

We killed the croc and met the queen. She told us that Gellan is for sure dirty and that she'll stop working with him. We go back to find dirt on Gellan and we are successful.